Things I Think About: Still Thinking About Things

I remained reflective for a while after writing the post about keepsakes. I wrote about hanging onto items I deem important. Such reflections are not new. A few years ago, I read The Hoarder in You. That book reports that hoarding falls along a spectrum and clutter is related to anxiety. I understand the anxiety part.

I remember when mail, especially mail related to my finances, remained unopened spilling over in piles before I packed them away... still unopened. I doubted my ability to handle my business.

And I kept opened financial paperwork way past their necessity just in case. I can think of no case that would justify having W2s from my first teaching job in 1996. But I did have them until last year. I feared financial ruin caused by lack of proof of old work history?

Going back to school has not helped my hoarding tendencies. What if there's a better article? A better journal? A better book? A better topic? A better field? I must bookmark, cite, and study them all.

I also have memory anxiety. Or, anxiety about not remembering, rather. What if I forget?

What if I forget what I did on July 26, 2021? I think I should keep my old planner.

What if I forget that my coworkers wished me a happy birthday in 2004? Guess, I'll keep that card.

What if I forget how to use the washing machine? I'll just put that manual in my file box.

But also

What if I forget how bad my depression was in 2010? Keep that journal.

What if I forget how much that person hated me in 1998? Keep that letter.

What if I forget that traumatic teenage experience? Hold onto that memory as if your life depends on it.

Perhaps I still struggle with some issues because depression journals, hate mail, and detailed accounts of teen angst have literally been boxed up and stored under my bed for years. Talk about, bad feng shui.

I alluded to my dream life in an earlier post. When I become an empty nester I plan to leave the nest as well. I plan to travel. My partner and I have talked about driving the Pan-American highway. Or slow traveling; hopping to different countries every few months. Or, perhaps, we'll buy an RV and travel around the U.S. checking off Atlas Obscura sites in every state.

What will I bring with me?

What will make the cut?

Keeping things is not bad, per se. But I do need to think about the purpose my things serve. Are they helping or hindering my emotional well-being? My relationships? My dreams?

I can't help but think that there may be things I'm unable to receive because my hands are too full of the past.

What will have to be released in order for me to live out my dreams?

Categories: : Wellness